Well...

Well, I suppose that I should be fair and not only bitch about things in my life. There is good. There is always good.

Here's some good for ya.

I, uh, am doing alright on my diet. Slowly, VERY slowly losing fat. When I changed shirts at the gym tonight, he saw me in my sports bra... Said that my abs were almost back. Ahhaaa, right, babe. Whatever. He's trying to make me feel good, which I appreciate.

I did a lot of tumbling tonight. Fun, yes, but I screwed up my right quad again. I hope I haven't permanently damaged it... It shouldn't hurt this much all the time. But I'm talking about positive stuff. Moving on.

Uhm, oh right, Steven. I got to see him tonight. :D This once-a-week thing is really hard for me. I miss him for six days, and get two hours, and then another six days where I feel lonely and depressed all over again. This feeling of being loved is so new, and I find myself wishing for his company all the time.. Normal, but hard when I can't just hop in the car and go see him-- ZZZOOOP. stopping. Only positive thoughts. Ahem.

So, we got to cuddle for a little bit tonight. That was when the whole being-loved thing kind of dawned on me. We were sitting in a corner of the foam pit, all kind of snuggled up, and I couldn't explain this feeling I had... Tingly and warm, but not all revved and hot like I usually feel when I'm around him. Less sexually-oriented and more like... A space in my chest being filled. I felt safe, and warm and just... LOVED. I could have stayed like that forever. We tell each other that we love each other, all the time, which according to everyone (fuck them) isn't real yet, and I have no experience, but I FELT it. Right there. Just this deep happiness that I've never had. With anything else.

We talked about kids today. Haha, that was a funny conversation. I kind of started it off, talking about what we were going to do with sports when we got old, because I wanted to see how comfortable he was with talking about our future. I mean, we've only been together for a month... And if he's not thinking longterm, I don't want to be like, "OMG WE'RE GETTING MARRIED RIGHT?!" and have him be like "what the fuck?! No, I want a life!" which I know he wouldn't say, but still. No rushing.

So he wants a son, obviously. He seemed not too hot on the idea of having a daughter, but I'm sorry. We will. I HAVE DECIDED. I will have at least one daughter and there's nothing you can do about it, bucko. :D Anyway. He doesn't know how good it made me feel to talk about that. I'm so scared all the time that I'll do something or something will happen and it'll be the end of us... Discussing a possible far distant future between us makes me feel like we at least have our daydreams in the right mindset. I know it's soon, but I have thought a LOT on this... And I don't know how he feels... And I wont ask him until the best possible moment, which may be a long time from now... But I would be so, so, perfectly, more-than-perfectly content to spend the rest of my life with him. Wherever it takes me.