Confuuuuusion.

I don't know what to make of Steven. Honestly.

On one hand, he's super nice, really complimentary, and agrees with all my values and opinions.

On the other hand, it seems too good to be true. The only thing that makes me think that he's probably okay? That he's not perfect. He seems kinda vain (shirtless mirror pics) and he has long hair.

It's pretty sad when I have to revert to things like that to evaluate people. I feel like I'm blinded. Like I'm not looking at this with a clear head. I have this intense feeling that something's wrong.

And I know I can't trust my feelings, either. I've had intense feelings that something's RIGHT, when it absolutely wasn't. So I have NOTHING to go on.

I'm finally, maybe gonna meet him on Thursday. Maybe. Bear and him and the rest of their parkour club will be downtown. I told them to stop by the Peer Court building so I could run down and say hi. I'm wondering how that'll turn out.

He said during our conversation tonight, "You're safe with me. <3" after I told him not to tell anyone about my weight. He's just... I don't know. I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT HE ACTUALLY LIKES ME. But I can't shake the feeling that it's like Nicky, and he just wants to get in my pants. Or that he's a douche. I don't know.

I asked Bear about it. I tell you, that kid is incapable of giving a straight answer. Give him one thread to digress to, and before long he's making porn jokes and you've both forgotten your original question. All I got out of our conversation was that Steven said, "Are you trying to hook us up? Cause I'd be fine with it," which is what Steven told me, so at least he's being truthful; that Bear's been working on his anime drawings; and that it's actually really hilarious when you replace random words with "cum." Wow, Bear. So helpful.

One thing he did say, though, was that Steven was NOT a douche. Although, it was in the middle of a bunch of jokes he was making, so I don't know if he meant it or not. But I'm pretty sure he was serious. So that made me feel a tiny bit better. But the whole thing is just so... iffy. Gahhh.

I'm going to wait until after I meet him to make any solid opinions.

The whole thing is NOT helped by the fact that he makes me feel so amazing. It's the first time in my life that I don't feel insecure about ANYTHING, with a guy, even talking to him. I don't have to try to be cool, I don't have to pretend to be all badass or anything. Hell, I told him my weight. I'VE NEVER TOLD A GUY HOW MUCH I WEIGH. Excepting Jason, because he wasn't a romantic interest. But really. And Steven just was so chill about ALL of it. EVERYTHING I TOLD HIM. Later, he says, "What would you say if I told you, I have a real soft spot... And I love cuddling? Lol" and I said some funny and super non-committal response, since I didn't know what to think about that... And then I said, "What would YOU say if I told you I'm very conservative, but not in the older sense, very Christian, and I love shooting? Since all three of those seem to be very unpopular these days." And he says, "I would say you are very intelligent, those last two are awesome.... me too."

I couldn't help it. I freaked out. It's seriously, TOO GOOD. Only thing keeping me from being REALLY suspicious about his lack of douche-ness is that he has long hair cause he's trying to copy a parkour guy he likes. So there's at least ONE thing wrong with him. Sorta wrong. But it's a wrong thing that's understandable. So it's not really a mark down in his favor.

AHHH IM SO CONFUSED AND UNSURE AND FREAKED OUT AND SCARED :(

I don't know. I'm tired. I'm sleeping. :/