Good and Bad Shit Goin' Down.

Berndt added me to this parkour page called North Bay Traceurs. Made me feel super important. Lol.

And whilst I was on there, I posted a video of my wall flip from Friday. The one I re-learned. A couple of guys commented on it, including this one guy who's friends with Bear. Name's Steven. Then Bear's friend Brian, who I met at Kid's Kingdom that time when we all parkour-jammed, requested me. And then Steven requested me. Brian's not really my type, plus, I suspect he's got a girlfriend. But Steven's kinda cute. And he's hot. Like, super super nice abs.

But when he's got girls over there calling him "handsome" on his status and shit... Dude. I can't compete with that.

It's pitiful how unnoticed and invisible I feel sometimes. Bleh.

But in other good news, Dad's promised to set up a kind of parkour course in my backyard. That'll be fun. :D

I've found that I honestly love parkour. :)

BETTER.

Well. Today was significantly better.

Went to the gym at two and worked on parkour tricks, stuff to teach tonight's new parkour class at the gym. Had a one-hour private with this little crazy energetic child, and she made me really, really tired.

Then a three-hour practice (a down note in that, but at the end) that went pretty well. And I tumbled a ton, too.

Then another hour of parkour. Constant. I think my legs and arms and everything in my entire freaking body is gonna DIE. But the class went great, and the guys seemed to like it, so that's good.

One of 'em is kinda cute. But I don't know if he's with anyone... he goes to the dance studio, and that says it all. Until I lose weight, I don't think I can compete with that. But you never know. If he's worth his salt, he'll like me despite anything, right? Ha, ha. Yeah right. Anyhoo.

I'm having daydreams of being able to parkour in a sports bra during the boiling hot summer 'cause I'll be so skinny. And I know I can do it! Today was soooo good diet-wise.

Seaweed and two bites of a ham/egg/cheese thin bagel for lunch. I got up too late to call it breakfast.
Three iced teas, and then two chunks of slow-roast beef and some stir-fried veggies for dinner. Oh, and two nectarines. That's IT. THAT'S ALL I ATE TODAY. I'm oh-so-happy. It's a diet jumpstart!!

:DDDDDDDDDD

Ugh.

I'm such an insomniac.

Really sore today, but I feel good, like I worked off some of the calories I ate.
Still depressed, though.

Tomorrow will be better.

My brain annoys me.

My subconscious needs a slap.

I dreamed about an old crush last night. It was so real, and I woke up crying. I hate that I'm so weak emotionally. He wasn't even a good pick, it turned out. So why do I cry? Beats me. I want so badly to experience love, I guess. I want to know how real love, not one-way infatuation, feels.

I'm having trouble staying on my diet. I have to shrink my appetite, which means being hungry for a while as I eat less until my stomach shrinks. I've done it before, and lost eight pounds. And then gained it all back during Christmas break. So I know I can do it. It's just not pleasant. Green tea helps, though. A LOT. Thank God for Costco.

Hopefully I can trim down enough before my friend's birthday party so that I can wear the clothes I want... I've got exactly 25 days. I can do it. 140. Grrr. >:[

So it begins...

Well, here's my first blog. I'm using this as kind of a journal, so to speak. Hoping that by writing and writing and writing, I can be totally honest with myself and sculpt myself into the ultimate me, spiritually and physically. I'm a long way from either. Let me explain.

I'm 17. I used to be a gymnast. I made it to Level 9, competed a year, and then tore my ACL and quit.

Now, if you've been a high-level athlete of any kind, you understand how when you work out 20 hours a week, your metabolism is incredible. You can pretty much not worry AT ALL about how many calories you eat.

And so I did. I was 14, at 5' 2", a trim 120 pounds and PACKED with muscle.

Then I got hurt, and I was on crutches after surgery and unable to exercise AT ALL. 20 hrs a week to ZERO. My sister cautioned me, as she had quit a few years before, to slow down on my calorie intake so as not to end up overweight like she did. My parent told me the same. And I ignored them. I ate just like I was still in the gym, and I gained.

I gained weight. It was inevitable. Unnoticeable at first, then my jeans started getting tighter. I went from being a 0 to being a size three in the first five months. And it progressed. That first year, 2010, after surgery, I was 132 pounds. I ran all summer, an managed to maintain that weight. It was alright. Then school started. I ran out of time. And I started gaining again, and never got back.

Today, I'm 5' 3" and 150 pounds. And I will get back to 120 by this summer.

Thanks for reading. <3